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Living with Doubts

Last night,
I had this conversation with my bitchy friend (ooops, sorry.) We usually insulting each other but doesn't mean we hate each other. Forget it.

It was late at night and you know, at that time we either talk about pervert things or some things serious about this life.

Don't call us "us" if we both don't talk about pervert things. Because damn, we can talk it all day with no worries about what people will think and say.

We were talking about some things that consist "sexual things", as always. But I didn't know what just happened, all of a sudden we started talking about feelings and doubts that we have on ourselves. It's getting serious. I didn't even plan to talk about so. Neither did she. It just happened and getting deeper????????????
Maybe an angel shared their positivity to us because it's Ramadhan.
No, just kidding. I'm sorry angel. I didn't mean it.

She told me that sometimes she doubts herself till shit happens.  And she be like "really?" Then it happens and regrets it.

And you have these thoughts “I told you.”

She told me that she's not ready for anything that  comes up. That waits for us.

We told each other that is our anxiety.

I told her that I doubt myself to sleep. That's fucked up because we really have no idea if it will happen or no. But guess what, we still worry way too much about it.

We worry about something that is not going to happen. It's because we think and worry about it way too much, that's how it happened.

If only we didn't think about it, it wouldn't happen.
It's because our mind.
Our mind drags us.

In the end we all know, we are just wonderful human with these awful thoughts. It's worst.
Because we live with it, forever.

“We're supposed to go with the flow and face it,
It is what it is.” She said.

Isn't it funny? Because we don't trust ourselves. We don't believe in ourselves. And we don't have (even a little) faith in ourselves. Even though we know, we only have our own selves in the end, not anyone nor anything.

Aren't we supposed to have this little trust and faith in ourselves? Because we can only depend on ourselves.

Why do we always doubt ourselves?
Why don't we have this trust thingy? Even though I know that we all have this trust issue. But hey, it's you and yourself, why don't you trust her/him?

We're not sure about our capabilities. It's sad to accept the fact, because it's true, we are not sure about ourselves. We doubt ourselves.

I'm sure you've heard or read this quote:
“Do not trust anyone, even your own self.”
I don't even know where it's came from and who made this and kept spreading it.
Don't you know that this quote is made for something negative.

Like this, you have some things to reach and you told your friends about it and then, they told you “You can't”. After you heard about this, you have this doubt on yourself “Can I?” then you answered it yourself “You can't!!!!!”
And guess what, that quote is made for something like this.

Don't trust them nor even yourself because of that.
Don't trust them that told you “You can't”
Don't trust yourself that told you “You can't”
Because you know what,
You can and you are able to do it.
You are able to reach it.
You are able to make it come true.

Starting now, please start to believe in yourself and put aside your negativity thoughts about yourself. Put away your doubts on yourself.
The rest of these will come along.

Start to appreciate yourself, darling. Doesn't matter if it's a little thing that you can do.
Try to appreciate it.
Appreciate your efforts.
Appreciate the results.
Just appreciate it.

Sometimes you have to remind yourself that you're matter. Because there's a time that you have none to remind you, you have your own self.

Start to have a little faith and trust for yourself, even it's just a little, it will grow bigger as the time flies.


If at this moment you feel like you're not worth it.
You're useless.
You don't matter to anyone.
And you feel like everything you do is wrong.
You feel like the world is on your shoulder, and I'm here to tell you, to remind you, to wake you up that
You are loved
You are worth it.
You are able to make your dreams come true.
You are able to reach it.
You are not useless.
It will get better. I don't promise it's always sunshine, but trust me, having a little rain in your life is not that bad.


‌Please, believe in yourself.




‌Anyways, shout out to my friend that inspired me to write this.

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